The biochemical insanity of addiction ...

I came to realize over the course of my addiction to alcohol that my brain was subconsciously working against me. I learned in the aftermath of my repeated episodes of drunkenness that I was emotionally compelled to repeat behaviors that would justify my drinking.

If getting angry with someone I cared about and then storming out to find solace at the closest bar brought the warm fuzzy fog of intoxication ... that is exactly what I would look back and find out that I had done.

But even more insidious was the celebration of successes ... so that my productive life became centered on achieving enough to keep drinking alcohol. I isolated from any situation where someone might have the opportunity to intervene ... and in our society where alcohol consumption is glorified, I was hardly noticed ... as I separated myself into my addictive syndrome.

I was like the story I related in an earlier post ... I was the frog in the pan of hot water on the stove, slowly turning up the heat ... so I didn't notice I was being boiled.

Until I understood how I was powerless over the effect of alcohol on my biochemical system — my body and brain — and become committed to not taking the first drink today ... and learning how to do that from the experiences of others ... I would repeat the downward spiral of my addiction cycle until I was in a body bag, in handcuffs, or in a straight-jacket.

I was powerless over the effects of alcohol because my brain had succumbed to the false idea that alcohol is good for me because it made me feel good, and in the moment of inebriation removed all doubt about my ability to whatever it was I wanted to do ... whether I ended up being able to do it or not. It was only after I "reprogrammed" my brain in recovery to let its normal drive for survival — pursuing healthy satisfaction of needs — that I was able to get back to living a normal life. I believe it is that "higher power" of life's struggle for real survival that takes over and gives addicts their lives back.

Notes & References:

Forty-two personal stories of recovery from alcoholism can be found in the AA Big Book available online at www.aa.org/bigbookonline/.

The website of Alcoholics Anonymous is www.aa.org

The link to the Big Book of AA is www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

The link to finding AA meetings is www.aa.org/lang/en/meeting_finder.cfm

The above websites are available in English, Español, and Français.